Back in Starbucks. I've mastered the art of pretending I belong here; I approach the barista and tell her I'm not ready to order yet, I'd like to get "set up" first. Code for, "I don't drink coffee; I'm using your establishment to get out of my tiny apartment and feel more connected to the world." But I'm instantly annoyed that at at noon on a Monday, every prime computer location is taken. Does no one else work? It's by chance I have today off. I like to sit facing the street because I can watch cars at stop lights and see people walking around with intention. However, there is a perfect window spot: the corner. I'm on one end, but the wrong end. Everyone can see my computer screen and I'm right by the door. I know they aren't looking, but still it isn't a prime situation for someone like me. 

I want to revisit my previous post. My aggravation with Jonathon Haidt's decision to feminize pronouns seems borderline uncalled for, considering I withheld information that would have damaged my argument: I know that most therapy patients in fact are female. Why would I keep this tidbit of knowledge secret? Because I believe that the reasons why most therapy patients are female are influenced by gender biases from society. (And also because my inner lawyer was looking to support a specific argument, pp. 63-66 of The Happiness Hypothesis).

In America and in many other societies around the world, females are commonly viewed as being the emotional gender while males tend to be viewed as strong and deserving of respect. I can only report on what I know, and since I grew up in America this is where my thoughts are based. We grow up watching cartoon and television sitcoms portraying women as emotional. In cartoons, women are shown with fleeting thoughts, as floozies, or as being argumentative. In sitcoms and in movies that are not intended to be particularly influential, women cry after a break up while men go out and party. Women sort out problems in relationships while men ignore them, and women "snap" under pressure into either a fit or tears or fit of rage. It is not surprising then that women seek therapy more readily than men in a society that has preconditioned them to believe they need more help, and for men to be less likely to seek therapy in a society that has preconditioned them to believe that they do not need help. For women and girls, crying is a socially accepted coping mechanism. It is acceptable for women to display an array of emotions from glee to satisfaction to anger to sadness. It is different for men. The most (I'm very inclined to say the only) socially acceptable coping mechanism for men and boys is anger. For other emotions, the "strong and silent" route is taken quite a bit. This is why anger management courses consist predominantly of men, and most therapy patients are female. Not rocket science, right?

I still don't agree with the use of feminine pronouns to describe therapy patients. Even if most therapy patients are female, they are not all female, and this is implied when such pronouns are used consistently in a book on psychology. This type of repeated descriptive language will only further the societal imbalance that men and women already feel; consider a male therapy patient reads a few books in hopes to better himself and finds that every reference to therapy patients uses "she," "her," and "hers" as pronouns. How is that man going to feel? He will probably feel even more uncomfortable about seeking therapy than he likely already did. Defending male therapy patients may sound silly. But that's the problem! All I'm trying to say is that in an effort to lessen the gap between gender expectations one should not change the common use of "he," "him" and "his" to "she," "her" and "hers;" this will only flip flop the sexism, not help it! I would prefer to read "his or her" or "theirs" any day.